Lemons, 6" x 6", mixed media (puppy not included), Jen Price Davis

There are no small purposes.

The world is changed by quiet people doing good things. So much good is done without the world at large ever knowing about it. Your purpose matters. There are no small purposes.

Bridget Pilloud, Intuitive Bridge

I curled up on the couch, watched the dessert and decision portions of one of the best Chopped episodes ever, and cried.  Life’s been delivering its fair share of lemons.  (I don’t know what I would have done if life delivered red miso paste, oranges, cottage cheese, and kettle chips!)  Anyhow, I had enough.  Having done and tried all I could, I was reduced to a sniffling mess.  I whispered to God:  I just want to inspire people and live and inspired life.  Why is that so hard?!?!?….I wondered:  Am I living my purpose?!?!?!

Life’s Purpose

Not too long ago, I got super ok with my life’s purpose, without adding fluff and stuff. My purpose?   I’m here on this planet to be me. Me includes: loving, creativity/making art, humor (I love laughing loud), asking questions, and helping people, with each of the other three as tools for the helping.  Simple.  It took me a while…”What’s your purpose?” is a pretty lofty question to ponder.  I felt some pressure to have lofty dreams and goals in order to meet my potential. (You ever felt like you had to have a lofty answer for your life’s purpose?)  If you try to go for lofty instead of just being, dreams and goals can get all tangled and mixed up with purpose.  Things feel hard as you try to live up to the pictures in your mind, believing that if you don’t you’re missing your purpose.

What your purpose is and how you enact or work your purpose are two different things.

You’re always going to be you and I’m always going to me, right?   As long as you are being you, you are living your purpose.  How you enact or work your purpose and whether or not  you live each your dreams or accomplish each of your goals are different.  The thing is dreams and goals change, purpose doesn’t.   Is there a title you always wanted, a type of car, a number of kids, a number on the scale?? Those are dreams and goals.  Maybe all your dreams don’t happen as planned and all the goals on the list don’t get marked “Done.”  So what if they don’t all get met?  Some actually turn out way better than you planned anyway.  Whatever the case, unmet goals and unfulfilled dreams don’t make you a failure and they certainly don’t indicate that you are someone who isn’t living their purpose.

As I type, I know of several people who haven’t reached 50, but have lost or are in a battle for their very life.

None of them had any reason to believe that this would be them.  When asked as kids, “What will you be when you grow up?”, I can guarantee that none of them said “sick.”  They had dreams to fulfill and goals to accomplish.  In the blink of an eye, things changed gigantically, unfairly, and dramatically.  In the time they have been given, they put their energy toward doing what feels best, living in the moment and being surrounded by people they love — them being them surrounded by others doing the same — PURPOSE.

Life gets lemony.  Things don’t go like we want them to. It hurts sometimes and even makes us cry, but in the end, if we’re being us, we haven’t failed — we are for sure living our purpose.

Secrets, 24" X 36" mixed media, Jen Price Davis

At some point the old stories get old.

You change.

You stop repeating “This is just who I am.”

You put it all down.

You step far away from it.

Reinvent yourself.

I have a new puppy and having never been a puppy mama, I spent Saturday watching the Cesar Millan, Dog Whisperer, marathon.

In one episode, a pretty anxious little fur ball had the bad habit of eating everything, including her own poo.  After doing his assessment, Cesar figured out that the pooch was likely craving something that she was finding in her own special packages.  He gave her a bit of banana and some training, then POOF! she stopped the poo eating.  He concluded that she needed potassium.

The pooch had a real need and she found a toxic solution to fill it.

This makes me think about us humans and our happiness.  Don’t ask why, just follow me

Are you happy?

Happiness is an interesting topic and people have funny reactions to it.  Some people are all about happiness.  Others think of happiness as a treat, but not something to expect or think we deserve.  With all the mixed messages we get about pursuing happiness, and what happiness is, it can feel selfish, shallow, or irresponsible to try to attain it.

The problem with the idea of happiness as an option is that we don’t just want to be happy, we need to be happy.

The Dalai Llama says “the purpose of life is to be happy.”

I’m sure that we need to be happy because, well, the Dalai Llama says so, and people spend a hell of a lot of time and money trying to acquire happiness.  Sometimes all that money and time spent is the human version of our canine friend nibbling her little backyard nuggets. We take up the toxic habits of spend, spend, spend or lament, lament, lament that we don’t have the cash to get that happy feeling we all want.

Happy is dangerous

Sure, spending or lamenting aren’t the healthiest ways to deal with getting happy, but they aren’t the real issue.  They are symptoms of needing happiness and the fear of actually being happy. People are scared of happy because happy is dangerous.

Many of us have been conditioned that being unhappy — hating your job, your spouse, your chubby thighs, your curly, straight, fine, thick…hair – is proof that you’re a good person.  Embracing unhappy keeps you in a small, safe box in the world — it’s protection from disappointment and it sort of guarantees protection from your fellow unhappies.  If you don’t hate something about your life you lose your protection. Loving life — warts and all feels vulnerable. Vulnerable feels dangerous.   It is dangerous! It’s dangerous and sexy *wink*.

When you’re happy and vulnerable, you stand out.  You shine.  You make bold decsions.  You smile big and you’re world feels big and spacious. You don’t need your toxic solutions, you have happiness.

Saturday, the universe lovingly issued me a challenge.  I jumped into a tweet chat called #luvchat hosted by Brooke @LovesGumbo.  I spouted all sorts of wisdom about being a victim and how to move out of that state.  I didn’t yet recognize that it was a challenge to me.

Yesterday, Jenny, my coach, friend, and plain amazing woman, shared a heart-piercing post about forgiving her rapist and not 5 minutes ago, as I sit on the couch nursing a very hurt back, she tweeted a post called Finding forgiveness for murder, by Charles Sheehan Miles.

OK universe, I suppose I need to examine this forgiveness thing.

What keeps coming up for me is this experience of a lost and deeply depressed young JPD.  I wrote about it my book…I was trying to hide.  I was hiding because of being teased.  I was hiding my heart’s desire to be an artist covered in paint forever.  I began working hard to fit in and not be noticed — I actually loved who I was inside, but I developed a deep fear of being exposed as a complete fool.  I worked hard to hide that I was in pain and I hid it all behind a sweet smile and ready wit.  I was always nice, always kind and accommodating…so accommodating that I didn’t want to bother anybody with the darkness that owned my insides, though it did spill out at times.

I felt so small and worthless during those years.

At some point in this, a few of my friends joined a church.  I resisted for a good while, but eventually followed and joined too.  (That’s the short version.)  In that church, women weren’t supposed to wear makeup, cut our hair, wear pants in the sanctuary…on and on.  If your skirt was “too short” you’d be given a towel or asked to sit further back to avoid tempting the men, who were free to say whatever the hell they wanted about your female body. It was all wrong.  It was something like a cult – minus living on a compound and having babies for the leaders.  Sermons were delivered loudly and while some were pretty good, they were usually about a pretty pissed off God who totally loves you, but make a wrong move (including questioning and disobeying the above arbitrary rules) and He had no choice but to cast your rebellious soul into Hell.  It made my Catholic upbringing look like a cake walk, but with it’s rigid rules, it felt strangely safe.

Being born again

In this church, people listened for the voice of God and saw demons.  I didn’t see any demons, but I listened for the voice and in trying to hear it, I made mess after mess.  I disconnected from family and friends.  I worked hard to kill any desires that God might dislike…there was a laundry list of them including my beloved swearing.  I learned there that even swearing could get your ass sent to Hell and  I lived in deep fear. I gave up swearing. I lost me.

I was a part of that system for a few years before I finally woke up and left, but not without deep scars and looming shame.  Not without being so psychologically and emotionally stripped and manipulated that I was left with not much more than a shell of myself.

I felt like a fool.

My fear became my reality.  Family and friends loved me, but thought I was crazy.  I left grad school and worked for so little money that there was a time when I had to choose which two meals I’d eat because I only had enough tuna to last a couple of days at a time and only enough money for tuna and water.  I’d alternate breakfast and lunch or breakfast and dinner so that I could get through a work day.  People complimented me on my lovely weight loss.

I continued for years in low paying jobs because I held the residual fear of going to Hell, if I actually felt good about having money.  (I was fortunate to have my family help me, but they had no idea how bad it really was.)  I  never told anyone.  I never opened up about what it felt like to be there.  I hid it.  I never asked for help to get out of that church or to understand my spirituality because I was so ashamed of all the foolishness that they all got to see.  I didn’t want to make anymore problems for anyone either.  I decided to do the work myself.

Healing? Yes.  Forgiveness? Maybe.

With about a decade of internal work including meditation and actively surrendering my junk to the universe, I got healthier — not without major bouts of depression and anger that almost ruined my marriage and young family (nother post).  I flirted with agnosticism, atheism, and held bitterness against anything faith related for a long time.  I wanted to prove that I didn’t need that stuff, but I had to accept that I’m just a spiritual person — it’s part of my make up and to deny it was to be only half alive.

Damn, it’s hard to write this. This is one of the hardest parts of my story to tell because the one thing in life I fear most is being seen as a fool. Oddly, what I value most in life is being vulnerable and authentic.  It’s a funny balancing act, that’s for sure.

As I wrote, I searched myself for the forgiveness thing and now I see it.  For years, I was so angry and hated that church.  It was the time and place where I felt my worst fear become reality.  Only it didn’t.  That church didn’t prove I was a fool.

It was the dark tunnel that I had to travel to realize that I am stronger, more amazing, and more powerful than I ever knew.

Forgiveness? Yes.

I think this is becoming a movement…Do you have a story of forgiveness?

Vintage Cabinet Door & Light Fixture Repurposed by PointedeVueMosaics.etsy.com

It’s Monday. I know a lot of people who feel cranky on Mondays — or the Sunday nights that lead to Mondays. (That’s a feeling to pay close attention to.)

Monday might be the end of the weekend and living life totally on your terms. Monday can be the symbol of things ending if you were hoping that this would be the weekend that you’d meet your Mr. or Ms. right, or at least get a phone call and have a fun date with someone that you’d like to kiss..a lot.  There’s a laundry list of things we hope for on the weekend and Monday is like the big ass door that slams on all that hope.

After hearing retired people talk about it…Monday is just Monday.  It’s a cultural thing that we expect to not like it and it’s almost blasphemous if you’re okay with the M-day. But Monday’s account for 1/7 of the days that we live. That’s about 14% of your life that your’re conditioned not to like.  That leaves you only 86% of your entire life left to enjoy.  Monday is 20% of the “work week” so you’re left with 80% of those 5 days.

The idea that Monday has to suck is bull. Don’t accept it.

The truth is that it’s really not about Monday at all.  Maybe you deal with difficult people in your work life and that starts on Monday.  Maybe you enjoy the felxibility of the weekend and Monday imposes structure that you don’t like.  Figure out what makes you dig your internal heels into the weekend and resist Mondays so you can deal with the real problem and like your Mondays again.

Here’s how:

Breathe in when you feel the crankiness or dread coming up.

Blow out the grrrrr and let it float away with your exhale.

Gently ask yourself what you’re really feeling.

Repeat the breathing part of this until you move past any stories attached to your feelings and all you have left is your feelings, which you can take responsiblity for.

[Example: You may have a very demanding client who's stressing you out and making Mondays tough.  As you practice the breathing and let that story float away, you might discover that this client is tapping into your fear of being exposed as a fraud. When you get to that point, you know that you're dreading Monday because you fear being exposed as a fraud.

If you were hoping for a hot date, the story is s/he didn't call.  The fear might be:  I'll never find love or I'm not loveable.]

Answer your fear.  If you find out that it’s fear of being exposed as a fraud,  say to your fear:  I got this.  Even if the project goes to hell I’ll be OK. I’m good at what I do.  If it’s the love thing, tell your fear:  There’s plenty of love for me in the universe.  Then keep it movin’.

Visualize yourself being OK or being loved or whatever you discover in there, until you feel open and light. Repeat as needed.

Face and embrace your Monday.

I’ll never forget when I started my journey into selling my handmade work some years ago.  A well-meaning friend stood close to my face and gently-but-seriously told me “Don’t put your face on it.  People don’t buy from black people.”  She was recommending that I not model or show my face as the maker of the work.  She went on to tell me what she was learning in school about all of this.

Have you ever felt stuck or afraid to reveal your identity because of how it might effect your business?

• If you reveal your identity, do you feel responsible to hold up the thoughts and causes related to the group(s) you identify with, even if they don’t reflect the work you are selling?
• What if you feel strongly about an issue, but it doesn’t relate to your work…do you keep that personal?
• What if you have a dissenting opinion, do you lose because you don’t appear to support your group, but you don’t belong to other groups?
• What if your experience, your taste in music, your way of communicating, whatever nuances that make you you…don’t match the stereotypes of your group? How do you gain trust

I’ll stop here, but I’d love for you to add to the list of questions and, of course, share your stories or thoughts!

xoxo,

Jen

Anyone who knows me knows I’m a multi-talented mama.  This is a cool fact, except that having explored each of my talents and interests, I still experienced uncertainty and years were going by.  YEARS people.  You don’t get years back.

One day my coach, Jenny, asked me if I meditate.  I gave an excuse or two – or seven — for why I hadn’t meditated in a while.  It came down trust — or the lack thereof.  Life got tough for us for years.  We were affected by the economy tanking and I was in the process of looking for some way to do more of what I love + scrambling to recapture some lost part of my identity as a creative person. With all the pressure, my action-Jackson-make-it-happen brain kicked in.  I decided to stop wasting time on taking care of my spiritual self and started working toward trying to make things happen.  All I made was a mess, ha!

So with Jenny breathing down my neck (kidding!), I started meditating again, and this came to me:

If you are looking for clarity, look past what you could do.  You’re multi-capable so you could do (or could do) all sorts of things.  Take the biggest risk of all and stop. Stop

Breathe and quiet your mind, your heart, and your idea generator if it is working on overtime.

Settle into the discomfort of the quiet and lack of activity.

Breathe and settle into the lack of activity.

Gently Ask yourself:  “What do I want?”

Let the new ideas of what you could do float through your mind.  They will come and if you stop there you will have one mor project or business idea that you aren’t ready to pursue.  Let the deepiest, juiciest, most honest core of what you want becomes clear.

[I wanted to spend money on bills and visits to out of town family easily and without stress.]

Visualize yourself doing and or being what you want.

Visualize how you would walk and talk as the you with what you want.

Visualize what sorts of places you would go.  Where would you work?  What would you wear?  Who would you work with?

Lovingly feel the disconnect between the now you and the you you are becoming.

Visualize the disconnect closing until they feel like one person.

Be patient with yourself.  Don’t force any of this stuff.  If you can’t see what you’d be doing yet, don’t worry, keep up the practice and it will come.

Picasso - Original Mixed Media Art - ACEO Size by seriousface.etsy.com

As a creative person, I have found “seriousness” to be one of my biggest struggles.  I want to be taken seriously, but I don’t always create from a serious space.  I like fun.  There, I said it.  *ahhhh*

I like fun!

To be serious?  To not be serious?  That is the question.

My inner self keeps tossing this back to me: 

Are *you* serious?

Are you serious about your truth — your way of expressing your truth?

Are you serious about putting in the time and the effort to create and communicate?

Authenticity + time + effort to create? That’s some serious business.

Trying to be taken seriously by whomever you’re holding up as the board of seriousness can be a huge energy drain.

Trying to be taken seriously can be the turbo speed fast track to playing small as you seek to fit in a space instead of creating your own space.

The board may be real. They might not let you in. If they don’t, will you stop? Will you stop because they say no or will you find where the yeses are and be a part of that community?

This is part post and part breathing/meditation technique so stick with me…

You ever look at what someone else is doing or how they appear to be succeeding and feel pissy about it?  Come on…who doesn’t???

There’s no need to judge yourself or those feelings when they come, but it is a good idea to take a look at what’s behind them and how they might be blocking your own progress.  Whether it’s lust, envy, wrath (in the sense of intense resentment) or some other deep, hot, swirling, angsty internal stuff, it often comes down to this question:

Who do you think owes you?

This isn’t meant to suggest that you’re an arrogant jackal with an ugly sense of entitlement.  Rather, it’s about an internal nagging feeling that you don’t have access to what you need or deserve.  It’s about stories that play over and over in your head and keep you stuck.  It’s also about unmet expectations — hurt and disappointment…

Is it your parents who didn’t support you enough?  Is it your friend who stole your ideas?  Is it the teacher who told you you’d never amount to anything? Is it the universe who seems to be giving one person everything and you nothing?

Your experiences are real.

You may have been wronged…in a very real and wrongly wronged way, but what does holding onto it give you?  Or maybe you haven’t been wronged at all, but things haven’t gone your way for a long time — maybe years — and you are tired.  Connect with what’s nagging you and consider this…

First, here are some signs that you might feel like you’re owed something:

• Rolling your eyes every time a certain person(s) is(are) featured where you want to be.
• Rehearsing stories of unfairness and lack of support either out loud or in your mind.
• Same as above, but without taking any positive action to move yourself forward.
• Working super hard and getting nowhere (this is because you’re working out of a place of self-protection rather than creativity and trust.)
• Feeling completely exhausted and empty of any more ideas on how to make something happen for yourself.  (This can actually be a good place.)

Don’t fill the emptiness that comes from tired with things that make you bitter.  Rest in the emptiness instead.

While you’re in the emptiness or experiencing one of the bitter feelings try this technique:

• Feel your feelings, name them if you can, and breathe them out.
• Let the feelings float on the carbon dioxide and out into the atmosphere.
• Practice, with each breath, the feeling of trust. When you let the blocks go, trust (even if you feel scared) you will be OK…you will get hurt and disappointed again, but you will still be OK.
• Welcome hope, anticipation, and possibility.
• You might even whisper, write, shout…whatever floats your boat “I’m letting go of…….and I welcome…………”  Sometimes I say “OK, universe, I’m giving up this anger.  I’m sacred and  I’m hurt,but I’ll be OK.  I’m trusting you.” — The Universe knows I’m saucy so it’s all good, I think
• Take time to rest…don’t jump to action right away.

In the end, the point is that you don’t have to hold on to what you didn’t get or don’t have.  There’s plenty in the universe for us all.  When you let go of what you think you’re owed, you gain access to so much more.

Have you done something like this before?  How do you blow out the blocks?

Guess who’s 37 today?!?!

I initially thought I’d share a list of 37 things I learned, but something else came up.  My son shared this trailer with me and it changed my life and heart. I realized that I don’t need a list of 37 things, maybe just a three-part wish.  I wish for the world to have:

• more love.
• more compassion.
• more kindness.